I can’t avoid being judged by other people, it is just not possible - there are opinions everywhere around me that can and will make me feel like I’m a lousy person because I did this or that. But I can avoid being affected by their judgment, I just need to take a moment to look at what is actually happening when I let judgments change my ways of doing things. What is happening is that I am validating another persons’ opinion about me and literally taking this opinion and turning it into a physical barrier. Yeah, sometimes it is hard to tell what it is when it’s standing right in front of me. Why do I think your opinion is important? I mean, if you think I’m doing things wrong you might be right but it doesn’t mean I actually need to care about what you think. Do I care about your opinion because I don’t want to disappoint you? Well maybe I’ll just go on doing my thing and keep disappointing you because you have assigned me a role in your mind that I never even agreed to play, you little weasel. Do I wanna fulfill your expectations about me being a happy-go-lucky ray of fuckin sunshine because if I don’t you’re gonna think I’m a bad person? Well guess what, I am a bad person. We all are sometimes. But what I’m gonna do about it is not gonna be giving a fuck about how you see me. What I am gonna do about it I’m gonna give myself permission to be my worst self, not because my worst self is great because obviously it isn’t, but because it is a part of me, just like my best self is a part of me, and I wanna be a whole goddamn person, not just bits of a person that you prefer to see. People who hide their worst selves are just full of shit, because if you hide your shit inside eventually you gonna end up being full of it. That’s just how it goes.

I will probably forget all of this but luckily I can remember it whenever I want.

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